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Grandma Got Runover by…. Gravity

December 26, 2012 - Author: Amy

Merry day after Christmas!  We haven’t stopped celebrating since Friday night, but are so thankful for all the family that kept us so busy.

My side came over to our place on Christmas Eve.  As my little 4’10″ grandma made her way up the stairs with both arms full of gifts, D went out to help her.

Her: You are such a sweet boy!

D: Not really.  I just don’t want the insurance claim when you fall.

Her: …..

Later, as D and I were talking over our holiday happenings he admitted that he doesn’t think grandma gets his sense of humor.  “Like I would just let her fall on her face and leave her there!  Unlike some people I know……” With a pointed look in my direction.

Which made me laugh.  Which was a terrible thing to do.

See, back when we first bought our land, we invited everyone over for a bonfire. 

The following is a re-creation of actual events.

land1

land2

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Isn’t that terrible?!

She’s a favorite of ours to pick on.

christmas2012 056

But only because that’s how my odd little family shows love.

christmas2012 057

And guess where we learned it?? 

I guess my point is, that that’s my favorite part of the holidays. Hanging with people who rather than hug you, put you into a full nelson and give you a noogie.  Who instead of throwing gift cards at you (like D and I are infamous for), make you memory books and hand sewn table runners.  Who gives your kid money for his savings account and a full years supply of beef jerky….

Ahhhh family.  I hope you enjoyed yours and much as we enjoyed ours.

(Dad – Will you help grandma read this on your internet machine?)

15 Comments - Categories: D (Also known as Tex and Hubbylovepunkinpants), Family

Once Upon a Weekend…

December 3, 2012 - Author: Amy

Once upon a weekend approaching Christmas, a young, vivacious, and aesthetically pleasing mother took her precious little boy to meet Santa Claus.  On the trip in to meet him, the mother explained to the boy the magic of Santa; of how he could sit upon his jolly lap and describe toys of his wildest dreams, and if he is a good boy, Santa would be inclined to deliver such gifts on Christmas Eve.

The little boy was not impressed.

Then his uncle arrived to spread joy to all the holiday revelers lucky enough to gaze upon his glorious beard.

But it takes a lot to impress this little boy.

(A lot as in his mother dangling chocolate above the camera.)

Later that evening, the young and vivacious mother donned her finest evening wear for her strapping and stylish husband’s company Christmas party.

The wine flowed like beer (name that movie), the music, interestingly enough, took the couple back to the glory days of the mid 90′s, and the husbands toes were thoroughly pulverized under the rhythmically challenged wife’s heels.

‘Twas a fine evening indeed.

The Christmas spirit lived on into the next day where the happy family added more decorations to their abode under a 70 degree sky.

And where at least one family member is anxious for Santa’s arrival.

26 Comments - Categories: D (Also known as Tex and Hubbylovepunkinpants), Family, Junior

Christmas

December 29, 2011 - Author: Amy

We barely survived really enjoyed Junior’s first Christmas! 

 It was completely ridiculous, totally over the top, and involved much spoiling, eating and unwrapping. 

We kicked it off with D’s side of the family the Friday before Christmas.  Where we ate, unwrapped, and spoiled.

Christmas is yay!

 Christmas is tiring.

I’m out.

We spent Christmas Eve with my family, where we also ate, unrapped and spoiled.

Books are my fave!

Thank goodness for this sweet new ride.  I’m too tired to crawl.

I’m out.

We celebrated just the three of us Christmas morning.

MORE stuff?  Fo ril?

Then moved on to two sets of grandparents houses.

Where Junior pooed through his shirt and had to run around in a vest like a hillbilly.  And tried to steal great-grandpa’s glasses, because he’d been given everything else under the sun, why not a new set of specs?

Oh, not for me?  OK then, I’m out.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, spoiled each other, and ate until you threw up!  (Like me.)

And remember – Jesus is the reason for the season!

Amen.

12 Comments - Categories: Junior, Uncategorized

Christmas Eve Fail

December 25, 2011 - Author: Amy

I waited till today to wrap gifts.  During which time, Winnie felt the need to chew through my name tags and relieve herself on the tissue paper.

So the puppies went to play in the garage.

Junior became completely infatuated with my pen and when I wasn’t looking, took it and drew all over his chubby little legs.

Nap time.

During our Christmas Eve breakfast I became agonizingly unwell and we had to make a last minute stop at Walmart.  My sweet D ran in for me, and since I didn’t specify, ended up with caffeinated drugs.

Sipping on my large, 99 cent Sonic Dr. Pepper (with a straw) with copious amounts of caffeinated Midol coursing through my system, listening to the dogs howl outside and Junior holler about taking a nap, I attempted to wrap our gifts with puppy-tooth punctuated name tags and tissue paper yanked from pre-Christmas gifts we’d been given.  I have a scab on my knuckle that keeps re-opening and I’m sure I left DNA on a few gifts.  I waited to wrap Junior’s biggest gift till the end and wouldn’t you know it?  Ran out of wrapping paper. 

Glad he’s not old enough to form lasting  memories yet.

All our Christmas decorations are in storage, so the gifts are sitting under the tree Mom made for Junior, which is directly next to the unused treadmill that we’re too lazy to take upstairs. 

There is no theme to my wrapping, and there is dog hair stuck under the tape.

But, today I got to write “Merry Christmas, Junior.  Love, Mom and Dad.” 

Which made this best Christmas Eve ever. 

And it’s really just beginning!  Now I’m going to try to make a dip without injury to take to my parent’s beautifully decorated home, where Mom will have Christmas music playing, candles glowing, and unbelievable amounts of delicious food.

Can’t wait.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas Eve!

10 Comments - Categories: Junior, Uncategorized

Deep Thoughts a la Jack Handey

December 23, 2011 - Author: Amy

The hem in my pant leg came undone and I had to fix it with scotch tape.  I audibly crinkle when I walk. 

I bought my boss a bottle of wine for Christmas, but it keeps staring at me.  It wants me to drink it.

Speaking of drinks, how hard is it to remember to give me a straw, Sonic?  I love you and your 99 cent beverages before 11:00am, but I am upset with how often I’ve had to drink straight from the cup.  #firstworldproblems #maybeishouldremembertoaskforastraw

Don’t you hate it when people hashtag outside of Twitter?  I know I do.

My puppy’s breath smells like coffee and her feet smell like Fritos.  She slept with her butt on my pillow last night but she was too cute to move.. so I did.

I didn’t let the acetone soak my shellac off long enough, so my nails have looked like this for a couple of weeks. 

Gross?  Yes.  Too lazy to do anything about it?  Yes.

I can’t get the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” out of my head, but keep accidentally inserting different words… My punkin rode a horse, not a reindeer, trolling for some chocolate Christmas Eve…

One year ago, my mom got a fake hip and and she also has fake bones in her neck.  She’s bionic.  None of the other kids have half-robot moms.  Take that, Octo-mom!  

It just occurred to me that the wine I bought my boss is called Menage A Trois.

Happy Thursday!

11 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized